Predictable Disappointment: Why Receiving Feels Unsafe

Why You Keep Deciding the Ending Early

You know that moment when something good begins and instead of relaxing into it, you brace? You tell yourself you’re just being realistic. Smart. Prepared. You don’t want to get your hopes up. You don’t want to be blindsided. So you stay measured. Slightly guarded. Responsible with your expectations.

For a long time, I carried a quiet belief that the things I deeply wanted were not fully available to me. I called it maturity. I called it discernment. What I did not realize was that I was not predicting outcomes. I was deciding them. And once I had already decided how something would end, I participated differently.

I showed up half-in. One foot out the door. Already rehearsing the graceful exit before anything had even begun. Then when it fell apart, I felt smart instead of sad. That felt like wisdom at the time. It was not. It was fear that had learned how to sound intelligent.

The Half-In Pattern

What I could not see then was how much that belief shaped my behavior. I tried, but I kept part of myself at a safe distance. I stayed just open enough to say I gave it a chance, but not open enough to actually be changed by it.

When things did not work out, the belief grew stronger. It confirmed what I had already decided. When things did work out, I could not settle into them because I was waiting for them to disappear. I was scanning for the catch instead of relaxing into the experience.

The pattern was not bad luck. It was bracing. And bracing changes how you show up.

What shifted for me was not dramatic. There was no lightning bolt. It was clarity. I realized the story I had been telling myself was not a fact. It was a belief. And beliefs are not permanent.

When I stopped preparing to be disappointed and started showing up fully, the results changed. The life I thought was reserved for other people started becoming mine. I became a published author. I launched a podcast. I built work that lights me up every day. None of that existed in the story I thought I was allowed to have. It was available the whole time. I just had to stop deciding it was not.

How to Stop Predicting Your Own Disappointment

If you recognize this pattern in yourself, here is where to start.

1. Notice when you are half-in.
   Not how much effort you are exerting, but how open you are. Are you participating fully, or are you hovering close enough to claim you tried? Half-in participation produces half-in outcomes, and then we call it confirmation.

2. Pay attention to what you are scanning for.
   When something good is happening, do you relax into it or look for the flaw? The thing you are scanning for reveals what you believe you are allowed to keep. If you are constantly searching for the ending, you will miss the middle.

3. Let yourself want it fully.
   Stop pre-softening the landing before you have even taken off. The version of you who believes she deserves what she wants participates differently. That difference alone shifts what becomes possible.

The Real Shift

You only receive what you believe you deserve. When you have already decided how something will end, you move through it differently. You hold back, you brace, you protect, and then you call the outcome proof. The ending you keep writing is not the only one available. The shift begins when you stop deciding before the story has had a chance to unfold and allow yourself to remain present long enough to see what might happen instead.

This piece is connected to an episode of In Her Journey, where I unpack this pattern in greater depth.

Listen to the Episode

“What you expect, you experience. What you believe, you receive.” — Maya Angelou